please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
