the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
