On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
