i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
