Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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