Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
