My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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