I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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