just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
