Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize