Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
