You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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