Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
