Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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