i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
