Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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