is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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