so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
