i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
