Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
