I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
