is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so that wasnt chicken after all
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
