my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
