I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
