I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
