I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
