i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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