Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
