She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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