I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
