16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
