She said her name was "party"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize