your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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