I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
