Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
