i think my tv is drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
