i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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