Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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