And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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