well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
