Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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