just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
