would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
