it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize