I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i think i have two assholes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it glows. i had to have it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
