Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
