nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
