i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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