fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
