Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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