I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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