I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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