She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
