i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
