oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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