Just mADE A PArabola og urine
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
