man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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