I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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