apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
