Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
