No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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