I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
