Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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